This was fun

I tried this after seeing it on Sara's blog and...ta da: I'm a daffodil!

I am a Daffodil What Flower Are You?

Here's the description: You have a sunny disposition and are normally one of the first to show up for the party. You don't need too much attention from the host once you get there as you are more than capable of making yourself seen and heard.

Nice.

Ok, so I'm a daffodil, sunny and etc. etc. Only, here's my big secret - I only recently turned sunny again. In fact during the end of April and most of May I was down right cranky. That's why I haven't been posting much these days. Nor have I been on the web or reading blogs or anything. I was burned out. Fizzled. Why? The end of the school year, Chillymama quit her job, found a new job, started a new job (with three hour round trip commute - oh boy!), my relaxing hobby stopped being so relaxing, work kept me from sleeping, I am a parent, and etc. etc.

And on and on. One evening, in a rant, I found myself wondering how I got to be such a negative, pessimist. Was I always that way? So I stopped and took a good long look at my over reacting, cranky, drama queen self and decided: If nothing changes, nothing changes. Thus:

• I began focusing on getting sleep - long real sleep. This means no late night computing.
  
• I stopped working at night. I now have a helper who comes once a week, while I'm at home, to be with the kids so I can get a day for work. Miraculous.
  
• I set an end date for our school year, June 6, and we quit completely for the summer: no "lessons," no music rehearsal, no recitals, no planning, no nothing.
  
• I started yoga again (I used to teach...oh, so long ago.)
• I let go of cooking - we still eat wholesome, it's just that now we're on the simple, warm-up plan.
  
• I started biking and recently did a tri-athalon.
  
• I refocused on being with my kids.
• I planned a family vacation.
  
• I started reading for pure pleasure.
  
• I worked on being supportive to Chillymama and her career decisions, rather than harping on what should be happening.
  
• I stopped critiquing myself for every little thing.

Guess what happened? My sunny-ness returned! Keeping the focus on me has, of course, put everything else in perspective. To put it bluntly - it's all about me. Funny, but true. Taking care of one's self is an imperative part of functioning in a healthy way. Now that my perspective is clearing (I'm really not a negative fiend by nature - whew!) life is on the upswing. As a family we've made the decision to: keep homeschooling (seemed a little touch and go there for a minute), work on our relationship with a little outside help, take more time for each other, and say "No" more often if the activity seems like it will disrupt our family life.

I've also noticed that Nightowl has learned an amazing amount this past year (yay homeschooling), that at two Bearcub is not only challenging, she's engaging and loving and cuddly and fierce, and that I create quite a bit of my own stress.

As my sunny-ness returns I'm getting refilled and finding I have a little more to give each day. We did lots during the month of May - that I'll post eventually. Bearcub had a birthday, Nightowl had a birthday, summer camp has started and things are looking up. I'm even starting to think about our next year. I might even make plans - eventually. But for now, my focus is on refilling and rebuilding my daffodilish self - and seriously, my work here is not even close to done.